Tales from 2020: You Gonna Stop Me?

April 2020

It had been a week or so since the store became a fortress. Massive make-shift 2x4 barricades, obstacles (riding mowers), and reams of tape covered the front facade. We had all been given official “I’m an essential employee; don’t arrest me” documents to show the police should we get pulled over for breaking curfew. There was now only one entrance and one exit on each side of the building. Things were tense, to put it mildly.

The first day of Fortress Depot, they very smartly put me to guard the lumber entrance. Contractors — especially ones who hadn’t had a gallon of coffee, yet — were not the nicest people, and it showed that morning. I got cursed out by multiple people that day. But it was alright, I stood my ground, and they finally capitulated to the weirdness of the moment. It wasn’t my fault, I’m just a guy doing my job. And most of them understood that. Most, but not all.

A week or so later everyone had begun to adapt. The contractors knew the routine and knew there was no sense in arguing. Most of the public had been scared by Blackface Ralphie into staying at home, so while the store was making record sales every day, there was really only three very specific types of customers: contractors and subcontractors trying to make a living before the supply chain inevitably imploded, bored old women who liked flowers and needed their essential mulch, and defiant men who wanted to prove they were tougher than the Kung Flu.